Starting to Sweat Again

Ok, so I was going to load the family up yesterday and head to the park for some family time and a walk. HAHA!! The wind was blowing 180mph and there were grassfires everywhere. So I said to myself, “Go with your other love and dance.” I grabbed my ankle weights, grabbed my wrist weights, and turned on the Wii. Thirty minutes later I still wasn’t feeling the groove. I felt like jogging. I have a REALLY bad knee but I do try and jog in place some around the house. So I cranked up my workout play list and jogged until I couldn’t jog anymore. Then I did a few exercises with my arm weights. I was sweating and happy.
I have also gotten really bad about having a coke and a 100 calorie snack every single afternoon. I bought some sugar-free gum at WM yesterday and as soon as snack time hit I grabbed a piece of gum. I am happy to report that I didn’t have a coke all day and I didn’t eat a single snack yesterday afternoon. Maybe after months and months of being at a plateau I am finally going to get back on track and loose this last twenty pounds.

Finding What I Love

Several months ago I hit a plateau with my weight loss. So I started looking at what I was doing. The verdict: I wasn’t mixing up my exercise. I found a game on the Wii that I LOVE. It’s called Just Dance 2. I love music and I love to dance. Because I was doing it every day it got a little dry and I wasn’t getting into like I used to. So for the last month or two I alternate between that and a walking DVD that my mom gave me. Yesterday I was down on myself and didn’t want to workout. Then my first and at the time only follower said something to me that was exactly what I needed to hear (Thank you Yo-Yo). “Find something you love and prioritize it.” When I was a teenager before my driving days I loved to walk. But NOT in front of the T.V. lol. So I got to thinking. “Nikki, get off your butt and go walk.” (I have a 15 month old and a three yr. old BUT I also have a double stroller.) “Get out there and start walking, and on the days you can’t (due to weather) dance and then dance some more. Duuhhhh! My husband is off work today so I decided that I am loading the family up and we are all going for a walk!

Why?

I don’t understand why I am so hard on myself? Some mornings I wake up and eat my breakfast, get up and get going. I get in a great workout. My blood is pumping and I am feeling great. Then there are days like today. I wake up and I have no motivation to get going. I spend hrs. trying to convince myself to get in a workout. Then I tell myself I can do it later when I feel more into it. I finally get around to getting in some kind of workout. Today I did some exercises using my ankle weights. So I SHOULD be proud. I did it!! I worked out even though I wasn’t in the mood. However, I am still in a slum. I think to myself, I could have done better. I could have went longer, I could have picked something more strenuous. I should have burned more calories. WHY?!! Why do I beat myself up? Why can’t I be pleased that I did anything at all? Why can’t I be glad that I am done for the day? Why can’t I say great job Nikki? If I could do that wouldn’t it make each day easier? I tell myself on good days that it is ok to have down days, that it is only human. But then on days like today I tear myself down. It is VERY frustrating. :S I keep thinking that one day my workouts will be routine just like getting up and brushing my teeth. However, a year and four months in I still struggle. Oh well I have to just keep chugging. I mean after all if I don’t my only other option is to give up and I am NOT a quitter.

The Cocoon

You are probably thinking, “Ok here is another girl who is overweight. She is trying to loose weight and is going to blog about being fat so that she can meet her goal.” Well a little over a yr. ago I did start working on loosing weight. However, today I am beginning more than just trying to hit my goal weight. I am going to find my TRUE self. I don’t even know if we ever really find out who we are, or if that is what life is always learning new things about ourselves. In my mind I see a butterfly. It is beautiful, elegant, graceful, and catches peoples eye. In the mirror I see a chunky lumpy cocoon that is hiding that butterfly. I want to look in the mirror and smile. At first it was all about my appearance and the size of clothes I wear. Now, it is still about loosing weight and looking good but more importantly it is about discovering myself and who I am.